SepiaToned Loving
by vivianquills
Summary: Caitlyn suffers pain and heartbreak through her relationship with Nate. One-Shot. NAITLYN.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Camp Rock or any of the characters. Nor do I own the song Better Together. Nor do I own Selena. I just own the plot.**

**AN: Never written a one shot before, so sorry it's so long.**

The world had stopped. It had to have stopped. There was no way that life could go on. There was no way the world could just keep on spinning. Not after this had happened. How stupid was I? I had listened to him. I had trusted him. But worst of all, I had believed him. Believed him when he told me that he still loved me after all these years, and that I had never just been a 'best friend' to him. I believed him when he told me I was the only girl he wanted to be with. He told me that we would be married one day, and I believed him. How stupid of me. How could I have believed him?

Of course, the answer was simple. I loved him with all my heart and soul. I had fallen in love with him the moment I first met his eyes. I had been coming to my first year here at Camp Rock, and had walked into a rehearsal cabin, only to drop my music sheets, and song book on the floor. Everything scattered, and I was embarrassed even though there was no one around to see my klutzy move. I bent to pick up my things and I still remember the first time I heard that amazing voice that made my heart melt. "You dropped your things." Had I been more myself at the moment, I probably would have responded something along the lines of, "No kidding? I thought that it was the sky falling." But my sarcasm mode kicked off the second I looked up to see who was talking. It was Nate Gray. His brown eyes met mine, and I couldn't even manage to say a single word, so I had just nodded.

Yeah, I had loved him for years, but when we dated, it didn't work out. We were too far apart with him on tour. I never got to see him. I hardly got to talk to him. I was young, and I was stupid. I broke up with him, because I figured maybe then my heart would stop breaking from missing him so much. I was wrong. It broke worse. I never thought anything could hurt as much as that did, but I was wrong again.

After a few awkward conversations and silences when I ran into him at Camp Rock the next summer, we became friends again. He always had been my best friend, from that first moment we met. It was hard at first, being just friends with him. After all, I loved him. He was the first boy I had loved, and I wanted him to be the only boy I would love. But friends with him was better than nothing. We started spending more time together, and I was happy, ecstatic even. I thought that maybe, just maybe, things were getting better. I thought we might get back together. But I was wrong.

The second time my heart broke because of Nate Gray, was that second summer. We hadn't really talked much about relationships. I expected because it was sort of awkward between us still. So, I was totally unsuspecting the day I walked into the Mess Hall to see him with his new girlfriend. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. I barely managed to even get my feet to function, but when they did, I ran. I ran from the Mess Hall and into the woods surrounding the camp. And the second I was out of sight, I fell. I fell to the floor and broke into sobs. I curled into a little ball. I don't know if you have ever had a broken heart, but let me tell you, it's no fun feeling.

After that day in the woods, I managed to put on a fake smile. I even became friends with his new girlfriend. She was nice to my face, though I knew she talked about me behind my back. But I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. He wanted to be with her. I wanted him to be happy. We were friends. Enough said. Eventually, I began to accept that we were just friends. I was still in love with him, but it was what he wanted. That was good enough for me.

He became my rock. I was having a pretty hard time in life, and he was the only thing that got me through the day, even if he didn't know it. We were best friends, and at the end of the day, sitting on the steps outside my cabin and just talking, it gave me the strength to keep going. It was all fine, until that fateful day when I got a call from my mother. My cousin was dying. I guess, he had been dying my whole life, but I had never known that MD actually killed people. Sure, he was in a wheel chair, but I never thought that someday I would lose him. They told me this now because he hadn't been doing too well lately, and was in the hospital. He was three years over life expectancy.

I couldn't take it. I couldn't take this on top of everything else. On top of my family problems. On top of the bullying I would have to face when I went back to school. I just couldn't handle this. Quickly, I ran over to Nate's cabin and knocked on the door. I had been able to hold my tears in so far. He may be my best friend, and I may love him with all my heart, but I was scared to show him how broken I really was deep down. Scared he wouldn't love me. And Nate answered the door, but his expression was a sad one.

"Tess doesn't want me talking to you anymore," he said softly, not looking into my eyes.

"W-what?" I mumbled, confused. What had just happened" My cousin was dying. He was supposed to tell me everything would be okay. He was supposed to make stupid jokes that made me laugh, and use those deep brown eyes that saw into my soul to make everything better. "But, you're my best friend."

"I'm sorry Caity." And he shut the door.

I thought I hated him then. I realized it was just my love for him, needing to take some form, even if I was angry. That much emotion just can't go away, so instead of love, it was hate. But of course, it wasn't really. The summer ended and we went our separate ways again. He tried to call me several times, but I just ignored it. My heart had been broken a third time by Nate Gray. I tried to move on, but everything, everyone reminded me of him. He was everywhere, and no one measured up, not boyfriends, and not best friends. I was at a loss. I had no friends in school. My family was a mess. And now I didn't have my rock.

Summer rolled around again, as it has a way of doing. My first night back in my cabin, and I heard a knock on my door. There stood Nate. He was wearing that brown coat of his that I loved on him that made my heart melt. "I'm sorry," he said softly. And without another word, he pulled me into a hug. I guess the time apart had made it easier for me. We spent the rest of the summer, just friends. But we were the best of friends. People would always ask us if we were together, and we would just smile and laugh. We walked around holding hands and calling each other every second we were away from the other. And for the first time since I had first heard his beautiful voice, and seen his brown eyes, I was fine with just friends, and I was happy. My days were filled with Nate and my new found friend, Mitchie. She was my roommate and we got along well, always laughing hysterically, and even better, she got along with Nate.

The last week of summer, was when things started to change. Weird to think that that was only a few months ago, it felt like so much longer. Nate came to me one day, and played a song for me, it was Better Together by Jack Johnson. He said whenever he heard it, he thought of me, because we were better together.

"Caity," he had whispered to me on that beautiful summer day by the docks, "I'm tired of running around looking for love, when all the time it has been right under my nose."

Those words were all it took to awaken the love for him that I had traded for friendship. Except, this time, we were so much closer, and I was so much more in love with him. He told me that he had to leave for the rest of the week, but would be back for Final Jam. I couldn't wait to see him again. We had the day after Final Jam all planned out, he had the perfect date for us. We were going to do all the things we loved to do together, and he said he wanted to end the day by kissing me a thousand times, to make up for all the kisses he would miss while he was away on tour. I smiled. I was sad I would be missing him to tour again, but I was convinced that this time, we would make it. We were stronger. And I was so in love with him.

That week without him, I was lonely, but I made it through by spending all my time with Mitchie. Of course, she was practicing for final jam with the girl she was singing a duet with. The girl's name was Selena. Selena was skinny, and drop dead gorgeous. Every time I looked at her, my low self esteem seemed to shudder. But we got along decently, and had soon become pretty decent friends. Sure, it would have been awkward to hang out with her without Mitchie around still. But I was proud of myself for making another friend. And I couldn't wait to introduce her to Nate. He would be happy I had made another friend.

Finally, Final Jam came around, and that night, Nate was back. I ran up to him and flew into his arms. "Nate," I said with a smile. "This is Selena. She's singing with Mitchie tonight. She's amazingly talented." Nate smiled at me, happy, just as I had thought he would be, about my new friendship. "Selena, this is Nate," I went on, and then, not sure how to introduce him or if we were officially together yet, I added, "my best friend in the whole world." Then Final Jam started and we all had to go our separate ways. I was in the back running the sound systems all night, and then stayed to help clean up. I was on my way back to my cabin when I got the text, **Hey Caity. Looks like I have to leave tonight. Sorry. I'll call every day, I promise.**

It was sad that we never got to have our date, but I couldn't be too down in the dumps for long. After all, we were in love, no matter how far apart we were. Nate Gray finally loved me back as much as I love him. There was nothing about it worth being sad over. I was so happy, and for the next week, I got a call from Nate every night, telling me how much he loved me, and how someday, we were going to be married. We even started planning wedding details. Life couldn't get any better.

Then came the night when I got the call that was different.

"Caity, you know I will always love you. I love you with all my heart. And I truly do want to marry you someday. But I think for now, maybe we shouldn't actually be in a relationship. With the press and all that, and the fact that I always do something stupid to make us fight. I just don't want to take a chance of losing you. But know, that in the end, you are the only girl I want to be with, and I love you so much. We will be married one day."

I couldn't be sad, or mad, or upset in any way. It made sense. And after all, what did it matter what the title to our relationship was? We were in love. That was all that mattered. Another week followed and he still called every night. He still told me he was in love with me and that we would be married one day.

"Caity, you know I am serious when I say I want to marry you right? It's not just a joke, it's not just playful talk. You are the perfect girl, and I want to be with you forever."

"Of course I know it's not a joke. And you know I'm not joking when I say that yes I will marry you someday? Because I can't imagine it any other way."

"Caity, why do you want to be a virgin until you are married?"

"I don't know Nate. I just… I always sort of wanted to be able to walk down the aisle in that white dress, and have it not be a lie. I want my husband to be the only person I give myself fully to so we always share that special bond."

"Then I will wait for you."

To think it was only the next morning that I rolled out of bed and turned on my computer to see all over the celebrity gossip blogs a picture of Nate kissing Selena. My world was ending. I fell from the computer chair and onto the floor. Once again, because of Nate Gray, I was curled in a ball, sobbing uncontrollably, and wishing I could shrink inside myself and cease to exist. Once again because of Nate Gray, my heart was breaking. But this time, this time was different. This time was worse. I don't know how long I lied there on the floor. Eventually, I had stopped crying. I was just lying there, empty and dead inside. I managed to roll myself up and back into my chair. I had to get away from that site. I never wanted to see that picture again. But, as I went to click away, I noticed where the picture had been taken. This was after Final Jam. He had been lying to me for weeks.

Now I felt the tears begin to burn at my eyes again, along with a sad and lonely rage. I picked up my phone to call Mitchie. "What's with the picture of Selena and Nick?" I asked, trying to keep my tears from showing in my voice.

"You didn't know? They have been together since Final Jam. Nate calls her all the time, and even though he has only been on tour for two weeks, he has flown back to see her three times." Mitchie hadn't known that Nate and I were going to get back together. I couldn't be mad at her. And I had introduced him to Selena as my best friend, so she had certainly been innocent in this. There was only one way to direct my anger, Nate. He had lied. He had lied, and led me on. And I doubt he had told Selena about me. And he had flown to see her three times?! He hadn't even told me he had been back in town.

For months I ignored his phone calls. I spent all my time with Mitchie, which sadly meant, Selena was always there too. Nate was still on tour. By some cruel twist of fate, I became close friends with Selena pretty fast. In fact, she actually became a closer friend than Mitchie to me. But I never told her of the heart ache and pain that Nate had caused me. I was sure she knew some of it, but I doubt he had told her the full story.

Then, there was today. Today he came back. I knew it was the day he came back, but I had pushed it to the back of my mind. Mitchie and Selena had made plans with him later, and I would spend the day alone, watching One Tree Hill reruns. At least, that's what I thought. There was a knock on my door, and without thinking about it, I went to answer. There stood Nate Gray, his brown eyes looking right into the depths of my soul again. My anger flared. How dare he come here?! He led me on. He broke my heart. And now he thought he could just show up here? I don't think so.

"What do you want?" I asked curtly, ready to slam the door in his face.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too."

"Caity, please, you are my best friend. I need you."

The tears began to fall. "Best friend? I thought we were past that Nate."

"I'm sorry."

"It's too late to be sorry. You lead me on. You broke my heart, again. I can't do this Nate."

He's defiance kicked in. The two of us were both so proud and defensive, it was why we were always fighting. "I did not lead you on! I told you I just wanted to be friends for now."

"Yeah Nate, AFTER you had found someone knew. That is leading me on."

"I had been feeling that way for a while, I just didn't tell you."

"Do you even know what it means to lead someone on?! You gave me false hope, told me we would be together, and kept me thinking that until you found someone better. Then, you dumped me. And mind you, you didn't even TELL me about your new girlfriend. You just kept right on saying we are going to get married someday. I FOUND OUT FROM A GOSSIP SITE!" I was in a rage and screaming at the top of my lungs, tears streaming down my face. I was sure it wasn't a pretty sight.

"I know. And I was wrong. But I need you in my life Caity. You are my best friend."

"Damn it Nate. I don't want to be your best friend any more. I want to be the girl you love, because I sure as hell love you."

"I do love you. And I need you."

"Well then you should have thought of that before you decided that Selena was so much better than me."

"She's not better than you."

"Well then why did you pick her? Why do you love her and not me?"

"Love? You think I love her? I love you Caity. More than anything. So in twenty years ask me who I love most, and the answer will still be you. You mean the whole world to me. Please Caity."

"It's too late for that now Nate. It's just too late. You can't take back your decision. And that decision made me realize just where I stand with you."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO CAITY?! I am here. I want you back. Do you want me to dump her? Is that what you want? Because I will. I will dump her right now if that will make us okay."

"Don't you dare Nate. Don't you dare hurt Selena. She is an amazing girl, and she deserves the best. So you better damn well give it to her. Nothing you do can make us better. You know what I want you to do? I want you to go back in time, and when you are sitting and thinking 'hey, Selena is pretty cute' I want you to love me more than that. But you can't, and you didn't, and you never will."

"Fine. I don't fucking love you. I never did. Is that what you wanted to hear Caity?! Because you don't listen to me when I say I do."

I felt my heart break. I knew that the words were meant to prove a point, but they stabbed like a knife anyways. "IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU SAY IT. YOU HAVE TO SHOW IT. And you did the opposite."

The tears were flowing freely down my cheeks now, as I took deep breaths to try and calm my rage. There was a silent moment before he said, "Caity, I don't know how to prove it to you. I need you in my life. You are the best friend I have ever had."

"Nate, even if I could forgive you for hurting me this much, I can't be just your friend. It hurts to bad. If you really love me as much as you say you do, you will understand why I can't take anymore of the constant hurt that comes from being around you. Every time I turn around, my heart is broken because as much as you say you love me, you don't act like it. Or because we are sitting next to each other being 'just friends' and all I want to do is be in your arms. I love you. And it's breaking me to be around you."

"Caity, if you don't want me in your life. Just say the word and I'm gone."

All of me screamed, no no no, stay in my life. I love you. I need you. But for once, I did the smart thing. I knew as much as he said he loved me, that it was a lie. He simply liked to have me around because it felt good to always have someone in love with him. I deserved better than all the heartbreak he caused me. And so, I softly said, "I just said the word, Nate." And closed the door.

And so you see, this is why the world must have stopped turning. Because there is no way life could simply go on, through the pain of knowing that the person you love with all your heart will never love you back. And you can't change that no matter what you do.


End file.
